I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
