You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
