It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
