dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
