in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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