You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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