girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
