Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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