At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
