bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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