I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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