We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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