yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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