$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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