Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
