True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
