DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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