if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
