im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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