im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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