youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
