Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
another moral hangover. fuck.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
