No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
