seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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