allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
