Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
