oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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