I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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