i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
