My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
