we're blogging at a bar
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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