walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
