just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
