Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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