i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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