five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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