he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
