Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thus making me awesome and them whores
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Im part way to drunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
