So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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