So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
