please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
