Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
