I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
