my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
