Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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