Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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