he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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