saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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