I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
