He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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