hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
