I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
