could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
