I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
