You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
