She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
