So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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