How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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