I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
