we're chasing vodka with high fives
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
