My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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