when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize