I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
