can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
