I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
